Theoden: My body is broken. I go to my fathers. And even in their mighty company I shall not now be ashamed. I felled the black serpent. A grim morn, and a glad day, and a golden sunset.
*Theoden goes to meet his forefathers*
Forefathers: Ayyy mate you killed the serpent but your niece totally got the Witch-King. We can’t wait for her to die so she can come and hang out with us. If only you were born a lady, you could have killed him. All’s well, come and have some mead while we wait for Éowyn to die. Wooh!
Theoden: Gandalf, you’ve brought me hope and cheer again.
Gandalf: I am glad to hear that, my good king.
Theoden: I finally feel like I have the strength to do what I want now.
Gandalf: And what is that.
Theoden: Die in battle
Wait the Witch King just killed Theoden? The same Witch King that wouldn’t attack an inn in Bree because people were laughing and there were lights? He killed fucking Theoden? Tolkien what the hell this is bullshit. The nazgul are stupid.
My bio professor: I was looking over your exam. For the building blocks of DNA, you wrote “Aragorn, Theoden, Cirdan, and Gimli.”
Me: yeah I was being humorous, you know? The letters are the same, and –
My bio professor: I think you need to see the school psychologist, okay?
Theoden: you mean to tell me that tiny humans exist and we had no idea? We thought they were made up! That’s so cute.
Aragorn: Yeah, and we actually entrusted the fate of all of Middle Earth with one of them.
Theoden: you did what now?
My wife: How about naming him Theo? That way it can be short for Theoden, but no one will make fun of him for having a weird name.
Me: I already wrote Faramir on the form, hon.
Theoden: Gandalf, you saved me! I must give you a gift! You can have anything except for Shad-
Gandalf: I want Shadowfax
Theoden: Ugh you’re the worst
Theoden: dead wife
Denethor: dead wife
Thranduil: dead wife (in the film)
Elrond: departed, tortured wife
Aragorn: wife that chooses to be mortal and will die