Category: the return of the king

Reading about Shagrat and Gorbag

Me: looks like…friendship…is back on the menu, boys. 


Gandalf halted before a tall door of polished metal. ‘See, Master
Pippin, there is no time to instruct you now in the history of Gondor. Do as I bid! It is scarcely wise when bringing the news
of the death of his heir to a mighty lord to speak over much of the
coming of one who will, if he comes, claim the kingship. Is that

“Don’t worry about it,” replied Pippin. “I’m great at meeting people. I’ll give him the ol’ razzle dazzle.” He entered the Great Hall. 

“What?” said Gandalf. 


Satan: So you’ve been sent to hell for eternity. 

Me: Damn. What’s my punishment. 

Satan: You’re gonna be stuck with Greg. He’s a huge Lord of the Rings fan with a ton of theories about it that he wants to share with you. 

Me: That doesn’t sound that bad. 

Satan: They’re all really edgy and stupid. 

Greg: What if Frodo killed himself, and the vision of him sailing to Valinor is just his final wishes as he dies?

Me: Nooooooooooo. 


it’s weird that the Fellowship of the Ring gets such a strong ‘saying the name of the movie’ moment, but the other two don’t. There should be a moment when someone gets to shout, “oh my god, look at those two towers!” “Aragorn is being crowned. It’s the return of the king!”


If I was Eowyn and the Witch King said “No living man can hinder me” there is absolutely no way that I would think to reply with “But no living man am I! You look upon a woman.” It would probably be something super lame like “Well I’m here to try anyways!” There’s just no way that I would think that no living man means that I’m safe, or could kill him, or something.  


Escape room but the only way to get out is to convince the ghost king nearby that he and his people have to fight for you so they can be released from a curse, and you only have 15 minutes and a cool sword. 


Gandalf: Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. I know that there’s literally a chapter called “The Breaking of the Fellowship” all the way back in the Fellowship of the Ring, but we’re gonna ignore that for a moment. That was just Boromir dying and everyone splitting up. This is the real breaking of the fellowship. 

Most relatable LotR scene

Aragorn: hey i need you guys to help me out. 

Dead men of Dunharrow: what do we get out of it?

Aragorn: you get to die

Dead men of Dunharrow: deal


Sam: I can’t carry it for you, Mr. Frodo. But I can carry you!

Frodo: No Sam, it’s just on a chain, you can easily carry it. Actually you already carried it before, it’s really not a big deal. Just toss it in and we’ll head back.


Not sure why people are so interested in Aragorn’s tax policy when I am infinitely more interested in Sauron’s tax policy had he won the war.