Category: the return of the king

Pippin: I didn’t think it would end this way.

Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.

Pippin: What? Gandalf? See what?

Gandalf: Orlando, Florida. Disneyland. The greatest place on earth, Pippin. Epcot. Animal Kingdom. The final resting place of the mortal soul. 

Pippin: I didn’t think it would end this way.

Gandalf: How did you think it would end?

Pippin: I mean…in a haze of pipeweed, stuffed with food, choking on a final teacake? That always seemed likely for me. 

I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me…I mean…it already has, kind of. What are we doing here? Frodo is obviously dead. There’s only a few dozen of us, a hundred at most. What can we do? Sauron is a god. Everybody retreat! retreat!

Sam, in reality: Mr. Frodo we’re going to die. We can’t do it. We should just give up, Sauron will be merciful with us, he is the true ruler of all. 

Sam, finishing writing LotR: For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.

Ghost king: so I’m supposed to respect you because you have a sword? Does it burst into flames?

Aragorn: no

Ghost king: it doesn’t even burst into flames

Merry: *stumbling around Battle of Pelennor Fields* If more of us valued food and cheer and song above…hey…hey you guys…if more of us valued food and…stop trying to stab me, listen to this, if more of us valued fo

Do not come between the Nazgul and his prey – Nazgul wants to eat Thedoen. 

Do not come between the Nazgul and his play – Eowyn tries to stop the Nazgul’s production of Hamilton.

Do not come between the Nazgul and his pay – Nazgul favors lower taxes.

Do not come between the Nazgul and his pray – lawsuit about the Nazgul worshipping at school.

Then Gollum came back, and slowly putting out a trembling hand, very cautiously he touched Frodo’s knee–but almost the touch was a caress. For a fleeting moment, could one of the sleepers have seen him, they would have thought that they beheld an old weary hobbit, but like, a super fucked up one. Wearing barely any clothes and with giant anime eyes, you wouldn’t think “hobbit” immediately, but if you found out, it would make sense in a tragic way, you know?

I’d love more information about the farmer that grows the cherry tomato that Denethor eats in the Return of the King. That thing was super ripe and juicy which is impressive considering the time of the year and Gondor’s climate. 

Aragorn: my friends, you bow to no one.

Random guy: LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

Aragorn: it’s true, these hobbits are the real heroes.

Random guy: YOU’RE WHISPERING AND WE CAN’T HEAR YOU BACK HERE