Category: the hobbit

It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him. But if you live near a necromancer who is secretly Sauron, it’s not a big deal if you don’t know a ton about him or what he’s up to. He’s not bothering anyone. 

“Well, thief! I smell you and I feel your air. I hear your breath. Come along!
Help yourself again, there is plenty and to spare!”

But Bilbo was not quite so unlearned in dragon-lore as all that, and if Smaug
hoped to get him to come nearer so easily he was disappointed.

I didn’t realize that you needed to be learned in dragon-lore to be able to avoid an angry and sardonic dragon asking you to reveal yourself so he can kill you. 

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins put on her secret Dwarven ring of power, turning invisible. She sneuck into Bag End using the secret doorway. Silently, she grabbed a silver spoon and began to retreat. 

“Well, thief! I smell you and I feel your air,” said Bilbo angrily. 

The Hobbit films were so bad, I wish they pushed it even further. Make the soundtrack all predictable pop songs. Smaug gets hit with the arrow and you can immediately hear Bon Jovi sing “shot through the heart, and you’re to blame, you give love a bad name” or something equally obvious. 

Smaug: Well, thief. How about we trade? You seem well mannered, so you may have something that I desire, that I can trade for.

Bilbo: and what is that?

Smaug: all I have is gold, silver, and jewels. I need something to blow my nose in if I sneeze – it’s quite dusty in here. Perhaps if you had a pocket handkerchief, I would be willing to give even the arkenstone for it. 

I feel like the name “The Battle of the Five Armies” is a misnomer because the orcs and wargs were really on the same side and should only count as one army. The elves, dwarves, and men teamed up at the last minute and maybe count separately, but then it’s still the Battle of the Four armies. 

Bilbo: I should talk in riddles. If I’ve learned anything on this adventure, it’s that things that want to kill and eat me love riddles. 

Bilbo’s “The Road Goes Ever Ever On” poem and Take Me Home Country Roads have similar energies, even if one is about leaving home and the other is about returning. 

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014) – Film Review

Wasted potential: that is the thought that springs to mind when I look back upon The Battle of the Five Armies, the final chapter in Peter Jackson’s Hobbit trilogy. Among the most disappointing aspects of this film is that it doesn’t seem to know whether it’s going up or down. What initially started as a rather heartwarming rite-of-passage about a sheltered hobbit finally finding his courage, essentially turns into something quite different by the end of the franchise.

In a sense, the whole film can be summed up as one over-bloated action sequence, in which the audience is showered with what appears to be Hollywood’s main source of income these days: fan service for the sake of nostalgia. The elf-and-mortal romance exhibited by Kili and Tauriel is, of course, little more than a desperate re-enactment of Aragorn and Arwen’s relationship that we saw in The Lord of the Rings. Similarly, the minutes and minutes of screentime dedicated to Legolas don’t seem to serve any other purpose than to remind us that this is indeed the same gravity-defying badass that will accompany Frodo on his quest years later. All in all, it seems that the filmmakers haven’t let slip a single opportunity to shove in a Lord of the Rings reference wherever they could fit one, no matter how far-fetched. Perhaps the most subtle-but-not-so-subtle example of this can be found in a scene towards the end of the film, in which Legolas’s father Thranduil urges him to seek out a young “ranger” whose “name” he must discover for himself. This constant attempt to imitate on the success of its predecessor leaves a lot to be desired because it clearly goes to show the filmmakers’ own lack of faith in their creation. After all, if they truly believed their production was worthy, why should they have felt the need to rely on past triumphs?

That’s not to say that The Battle of the Five Armies is not without its glimmers. As in the previous two films, Martin Freeman practically shines in his role as Bilbo Baggins. In fact, you can expect some rather excellent performances from all across the cast, including Ian McKellen as Gandalf, Richard Armitage as the dwarf-king Thorin, Luke Evans as Bard the Bowman, and Lee Pace as Thranduil. These small glimmers of quality cinema are unfortunately not quite enough to keep The Battle of the Five Armies afloat seeing as the film’s definite shortcomings way overpower them.

Overall, I would call The Battle of the Five Armies a painfully mediocre action film, which, although strayed with some heartfelt performances here and there, unfortunately, does not deliver to the standard set by its predecessor in The Lord of the Rings.

Overall rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Gandalf took Bilbo on an adventure which resulted in him getting even richer than he already was. Rather than helping a poorer hobbit achieve social mobility, he aided an already wealthy hobbit, therefore exacerbating hobbit inequality.