Elf guard: hey, did Thranduil do that thing where he dramatically reveals that his face is all burned up?
Thorin: yeah, it really took me by surprise.
Elf guard: get used to it, he does it during every conversation. I see that thing like 5 times a day.
I appreciate that Bilbo’s mithril coat costs more than the Shire, but is there anyone in Middle Earth that can afford that? Is anyone still buying mithril in the fourth age? Where are my hella rich Gondorian 1% who are looking to splurge on an awesome coat?
Aragorn: I just got a date with Arwen. Pretty excited about it.
Legolas: What? You’re a human and she’s an elf!
Legolas: I just think people of certain races need to stop looking outside of those races for a partner, okay?
Aragorn: Um…are you maybe referring to something that happened to you?
Legolas: I don’t want to talk about it.
Gandalf in the Hobbit: won’t take on a group of wolves.
Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings: singlehandedly holds off a Balrog
Conclusion: wolves are stronger than balrogs
Hello, tech support? Yeah, I’m calling because I got some orc blood on my sword, Sting, and now it’s constantly glowing blue. I don’t think there are any orcs around, I just think the blood is making the sword glow. I don’t know if I’m supposed to like, reset the sword or something?
There and Back Again (A Poem for Bilbo)
From hobbit hole to Elven dale,
My path has led me there.
Beyond all comforts known to me,
But go I must with care.
From Elven dale to Goblin Town,
My path has led me so.
Beyond the safety of my home,
Still farther I must go.
From Goblin Town to Elvish wood,
My path has led me far.
To places never seen before.
Yes, I have travelled far.
From Elvish wood to dragon hoard,
My path has led me thus.
And many things I’ve seen by now,
Alas, back home I must.
On homeward roads, I journey now,
Through wood and narrow glen,
And think of all I saw as I
Went there and back again.
[Poem by tolkienenthusiast]
Tolkien Aesthetic | May 2018, part II