Category: the fellowship of the ring

You can tell that I’m a real Lord of the Rings expert because my favorite character is the unnamed sentient fox that appears for three lines in chapter 3 of the fellowship of the ring. 

Aragorn: I am Aragorn son of Arathorn; and if by life or death I can save you, I will. 

Frodo: wait by my death or your death?

Aragorn: My death. 

Frodo: oh that’s okay then. I mean, thanks. 

Host: would anyone like some wine?

Me: I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, but sure, I’ll have a glass. 

*later*

Me *banging on table*: look in chapter three of the fellowship, a fox spots the hobbits sleeping outside and comments on it. Then in chapter 11 of the fellowship, when Strider is guiding the hobbits, the text mentions that they see a fox. Obviously we should be interpreting that it’s the same fox, following them because it’s curious about what th

Tolkien: so they have to get inside Moria…hmmm…okay, so there’s a doorway, but it has a riddle they need to solve.

Tolkien: just got a great idea for a riddle. Awesome. That’ll make for a good scene.

Tolkien: also, you know what? A water monster is trying to kill them. I’ll add that in too.

The day before the Fellowship set out from Rivendell, Elrond threw a pasta party so everyone could load up on carbs before they started. It’s not directly in the text, but any reading of the chapter obviously leads the reader to surmise this. 

Elrond: Frodo, if I have read aright all that I have heard, I believe that you are meant to be the ringbearer, and if you cannot find a way, no one will. 

Elrond: *immediately texting Cirdan* hey get your boat ready. There’s no way Sauron isn’t gonna win. I’m heading over to Valinor ASAP. 

How the fellowship members told their stories

Aragorn: autobiography

Gandalf: just started telling it to random strangers

Legolas and Gimli: starred in biopic together

Frodo: wrote Lord of the Rings

Sam: too humble to tell story

Merry and Pippin: weekly podcast about themselves

The real reason members of every race were included in the Fellowship was that after the quest, they could sell Fellowship merchandise and everyone would have something to buy.

Elrond: Only the fires of Mt. Doom are hot enough to destroy the ring!

Pippin: Wait! I have another idea. 

Elrond: …

Pippin: I’m going to microwave this hot pocket 

Elrond: …

Pippin: for seven minutes. 

Gandalf: All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. 

Frodo: I mean…yeah. 

Frodo: That’s just life. You have to decide things until you die. 

Frodo: That doesn’t help me at all. Unless you’re telling me to kill myself, and make the ring someone else’s problem? I suppose that would work though.