Category: sauron

Regular

Sauron: Oh, there are two creatures walking across my country, carrying literally the most important object in the world? That’s news to me.

Smaug: Someone stole a single cup from my pile of treasure. I can tell it’s missing.

Regular

Sauron: I am Annatar, Lord of Gifts

Celebrimbor: oh cool. The first age just ended and it really sucked for us elves. Where were you and your gifts? Also what makes you a lord, exactly?

Sauron: I was…uh…busy. Here’s a cool rock I found. Can you teach me how to make a ring of power?

Regular

Because Sauron still existed as a weakend ghost after the destruction of the ring, I like to think that Frodo found him and followed him around, telling him all the times that the ring was close to him and he didn’t know.

“Bilbo wore it in Mirkwood, that was pretty close to Dol Guldur. I was across the river from the Witch King, I guess you knew that. But I was also across the field from him as he left Minas Morgul, and I was right next to the Black Gate. So many times you could have gotten it back! Also I walked across Mordor, that must really bother you. Hey where are you going?”

Regular

So Finrod and Sauron have their song battle, and Sauron wins. But right after that, Sauron “stripped from them their disguise,” because Finrod had made them appear like orcs. So did Sauron think he was having a battle with an orc who knew a ton about Noldor history and was an amazing singer?

Regular

How the fuck is there a place called the Isle of Werewolves in the Silmarillion and I still don’t have a tv show about that?

Regular

Of course they shouldn’t have given the ring to Tom Bombadil. But if they had, the scene of Sauron going to Tom’s house and knocking on his door to ask for the ring (because that’s exactly what would have happened) would have been amazing. Especially after Tom tells him that he lost it. 

In bed

Girl: say something naughty

Me: um….uh…come not between the Nazgul and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye

Regular

If the Nazgul didn’t wear the black robes, they’d be invisible, which would make them even more deadly and scary. But they’d be able to see each other being naked and it would probably be super awkward for them. That’s why they wear the robes.

Regular

Me: And if you gaze long into a palantir, Sauron also gazes into you.

My philosophy professor: No, that is in fact not the Nietzsche quote. 

Regular

In the hobbit films, Sauron captures Gandalf. Later, in the Lord of the Rings, Gandalf appears and tells Frodo that the One Ring needs to be destroyed. 

What happened was, Sauron and Gandalf hatched a plot to get rich. Sauron insured the One Ring for a ton of money, and his “enemy,” Gandalf, made sure it got destroyed. Then Sauron faked his death and they split the money. It’s so obvious.