Category: saruman

Saruman: White! It serves as a beginning. White cloth may dyed. The white page can be overwritten; and the white light can be broken.

Gandalf: In which case it is no longer white.

Saruman: Not if you use a Tide Stick Plus ™. With one simple swipe, you can bring stained clothes back to new. Your whites will shine again! 

Gandalf: Wow! I’m sure that must cost at least 50 dollars. 

Saruman: Would you believe it’s only 10.99 plus shipping? What a bargain!

Saruman is a tragic figure because he just wanted to look fabulous in his shiny multicolored robes and Gandalf somehow convinced all of us that that was wrong. 

Gandalf using that moth to get the eagle to save him from Orthanc is a reference to when you ask your friend’s mother to call your mother to pick your up from a sleepover. 

Saruman: Moria… You fear to go into those mines. The dwarves delved too greedily and too deep.

Gimli: Wait, what do you mean too deep? We’re miners! We didn’t know there was a limit. Why is it too deep? Did the Balrog call dibs on that depth? We didn’t know there was a Balrog, why is it our fault that we awoke something evil that we didn’t know about? Talk about blaming the victim here. 

Gandalf: I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.

Saruman: Can I still come to the Council’s holiday party?

Gandalf: Only if you bring those cookies that you made last year. 

Gandalf: Saruman had me trapped on top of his tower! Thankfully an eagle rescued me, because otherwise I would have had to jump! And that would have meant a very long fall, which probably would have killed me, haha. I mean, there’s no way I could survive such a long fall, right?

Me reading LotR for the first time at age 12: Saruman also has people call him Sharkey. Is he part shark? Like he has a fin or something that Tolkien isn’t mentioning? Weird, but there’s magic in this book so it works I guess.

While cross-breeding the Uruk-Hair to survive sunlight, I wonder if Saruman ever sat back in his chair, sighed, poured a glass of wine, and thought to himself, “I’m literally a demigod. I helped sing the world into existence. What the hell am I doing with my life? But at least my shiny robes look awesome.”

I like to think that Sauron and Saruman communicating over the Palantir was like two old guys who call each other every morning because they live alone and don’t have a lot of friends, but who would never admit how much talking means to them.  

“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”

– Thorin, in the Hobbit, perfectly summarizing Sauron and Saruman’s actions in the Lord of the Rings.