Category: Riddles in the Dark

Jeweler: okay so I have your engagement ring ready, but you said you had something in mind for the box?

Me. Yeah. I need you to make something that fits with the line, “A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.”

Jeweler: a box without a hinge or a lid? what kind of box is that? i have no idea what that means.

Me: figure it out. that’s what im paying you for!

Gollum: Alive without breath, As cold as death; Never thirsty, ever drinking, All in mail never clinking.

Bilbo: oh finally, an easy one! An alcoholic knight sitting at a table in a cold room, drinking even though he wishes he was sober. I’ve been telling that one for years!

Gollum: What has roots as nobody sees, Is taller than trees, Up, up it goes, And yet never grows?

Bilbo: uuuuhhh…what is…my dick? Nah just kidding, it’s probably a mountain or something. 

What other people wanted from the Hobbit films:

  • more focus on Bilbo
  • less CGI
  • fewer things not in the book

What I wanted from the Hobbit films:

  • A flashback scene of Smeagol teaching his grandmother to suck eggs during the Riddles in the Dark