Category: morgoth

Coffee exists in Middle Earth according to the Hobbit. In actual history, coffee may have been discovered by an Ethiopian shepherd noticing that his goats were very energetic after eating some of the beans. In Middle Earth, I like to picture an analogous origin except with Morgoth and his dragons.

The entire conversation between Bilbo and Gandalf about going on an adventure, except it’s Morgoth trying to convince Ungoliant to attack Valinor with him. 

After the Nírnaeth Arnoediad, the sons of Feanor, seeking a new army to fight Morgoth, urged all of the elves to immediate have as much sex as possible to restore their numbers. “I know we’re all depressed” said Maedhros. “But try to take your mind off of that and just fuck. Anyone, I don’t care, we need babies, fast. I hooked up with 5 girls on my way to this town just now, so get going!”

Now news came to Hithlum that Dorthonion was lost and the sons of Finarfin overthrown, and that the sons of Fëanor were driven from their lands. Then Fingolfin beheld the utter ruin of the Noldor, and the defeat beyond redress of all their houses; and filled with wrath and despair he went to his room, ate half a box of cookies while crying,  and took a four hour long depression nap.

The elves don’t sing about the battle between Fingolfin and Morgoth, but that’s mostly because not a lot of words rhyme with Fingolfin. 

Idk why the elves hated Morgoth so much, he clearly cared way more about them than the rest of the Valar did, and they say the opposite of love is indifference. 

Is there any proof that Minas Tirith had court jesters? Edoras? What about Angband? Did Morgoth have some orc prance around when he was feeling gloomy? 

Morgoth: Don’t adventures ever have an end? I suppose not. Someone else always has to carry on the story.

Sauron: I’ll do my best to continue your legacy. Starting with some human sacrifice on Numenor 


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