Category: lord of the rings

Gandalf: All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. 

Frodo: I mean…yeah. 

Frodo: That’s just life. You have to decide things until you die. 

Frodo: That doesn’t help me at all. Unless you’re telling me to kill myself, and make the ring someone else’s problem? I suppose that would work though. 

Spiderman: Far From Home reminds me a lot of the scene in Lord of the Rings where Boromir does his whole ring monologue, if Frodo had said, “you know what, that sounds great. You totally should have the ring. Here you go. I can’t want to see what you do with this.”

Treebeard: What are you, I wonder? I cannot place you?

Merry: We are…uh…updogs.

Treebeard: Hmmm? What is updogs?

Pippin: I can’t believe that just worked. 

“Despair, or folly?” said Gandalf. “It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not.”

“Dispair of nuts,” muttered Elrond under is breath. 

Concept: Evil Tom Bombadil. 

Named Jon Bombadil. Lives in a small patch of land in Mordor with his wife, Ironberry. If you wander into his domain he tortures you while chanting ominously. He wears an orange jacket and purple boots.

Aragorn: my friends, you bow to no one.

Random guy: LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

Aragorn: it’s true, these hobbits are the real heroes.

Random guy: YOU’RE WHISPERING AND WE CAN’T HEAR YOU BACK HERE

My wife: so our cat does this thing where she breathes out heavily for a few minutes, like she’s gonna cough up a hair ball, but nothing comes out. Just air.

Vet: can you describe the sound more?

Me: have you seen lord of the rings

Vet: what?

My wife: please, not this.

Me: you know Gollum?

My wife: ignore him, please.

Elrond: this is going to need to be a secretive quest. We need a small group who can move around without suspicion. 

Elrond: I think we should go with the the son of the steward of Gondor, members of races that hate each other and would never be seen working together, and four hobbits, creatures who everyone thinks are fictional. Also a wizard. 

Elrond: You know, a covert group. 

Sam: If I take one more step it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been.

Frodo: Come on, Sam. 

Sam: *Takes step.*

Sam: If I take one more step it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been. *Steps*

Frodo: Are you going to do that for every step now?

Sam: If I take one more step it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been.