Category: lord of the rings


Elrond: I have removed the tip of the blade from your shoulder and healed the wound, Master Frodo

Frodo: That’s awesome. How did you do it?

Elrond: That’s the job of a Healer

Frodo: So did you clean the area? Sanitize it? Stitch me up?

Elrond: Look, I prayed for Varda to heal you, and she did it. Okay? You’re healed, it doesn’t matter how it happened.


It’s a dangerous business going out your front door. It’s also dangerous not to even have a door at all, because people can sneak into your house and destroy your ancient rings of power. 


I know the Hobbits were sort of impressed with lembas, but shouldnt they view it in horror? A food that fills you up and makes you less likely to eat 10 times a day? That’s terrible!


Boromir: I know the Hobbit aesthetic is to go barefoot. But aren’t we worried about Frodo walking into a volcano?

Frodo: Hobbit soles are naturally thicker! We never use shoes!

Boromir: anyone can walk barefoot around the Shire! It’s just grass and flat dirt roads. You need to climb a mountain that’s filled with lava! Why doesn’t anyone understand?


Gandalf: Sauron will never suspect that we want to destroy the ring.


Sauron: if someone uses the ring, they become like me. They get my power. I’m awesome. I’m the best. Anyone would want that. Of course someone is gonna use it to challenge me. Everyone wants to be Sauron.


Bilbo: I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread.

Gandalf: well you don’t look thin. Boom, roasted.


Theoden: Gandalf, you’ve brought me hope and cheer again.

Gandalf: I am glad to hear that, my good king.

Theoden: I finally feel like I have the strength to do what I want now.

Gandalf: And what is that.

Theoden: Die in battle


Me: I feel I need a holiday, a very long holiday, as I have told you before. Probably a permanent holiday: I don’t expect I shall return. In fact, I don’t mean to, and I have made all arrangements.

My wife: You’re in your late twenties, and you have a job. What are you talking about? Did you quit your job?

Me: I want to see mountain again.


Gimli: The hardest part of the quest? Aye, that was seeing the true beauty of the Lady Galadriel. As I said back then, I would have never come, had I known the danger of light and joy.

Frodo: The hardest part for me was probably being stabbed and poisoned by Shelob, or maybe by the Witch King. Or having my finger bitten off after I succumbed to the ring. It’s hard to pick.


Sam: Why, even Gollum might be good in a tale, better than he is to have by you, anyway. And he used to like tales himself once, by his own account. I wonder if he thinks he’s the hero or the villain?

Warner Bros: Gollum prequel? Gollum prequel trilogy? Someone call Peter and Andy.