My doctor: I think you need to be eating a diet higher in fat. Science shows that fat keeps you fuller for longer and has a lot of energy, so you don’t need to eat as much.
Me: so, are you saying it’s like lembas, because-
My doctor: if that’s what you need to tell yourself, sure.
Tolkien Aesthetic | July 2018
~ Lothlórien ~
“I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew” — Galadriel
Elrond: this is a heavy burden. So heavy, I cannot place it upon you. But if you choose this task, then I will say that you have made the correct decision.
Frodo: what if I don’t choose to be the ring bearer?
Elrond: I’ll have one of my guards shoot you with arrows.
Frodo: Guess I choose to be the ring bearer!
You know that scene in Pitch Perfect when everyone is singing the same boring song, but then Anna Kendrick starts singing a different song in the background to really spice things up? Anyways that’s how I picture the Ainulindalë from Morgoth’s perspective.
Merry: I have a suggestion that I think none of you have thought of yet.
Elrond: This Council is important, little Hobbit. We do not have time-
Boromir: Let the little one speak, I am interested.
Merry: I think we should arrest Sauron for murder. He would never see that coming.
Elrond: I told you.
My new theory on why Bilbo was allowed to move to Rivendell was that the elven economy was basically stagnant and Bilbo was rich and they were hoping he’d create some jobs or something.
Elf guard: hey, did Thranduil do that thing where he dramatically reveals that his face is all burned up?
Thorin: yeah, it really took me by surprise.
Elf guard: get used to it, he does it during every conversation. I see that thing like 5 times a day.
I appreciate that Bilbo’s mithril coat costs more than the Shire, but is there anyone in Middle Earth that can afford that? Is anyone still buying mithril in the fourth age? Where are my hella rich Gondorian 1% who are looking to splurge on an awesome coat?
Sauron: okay i wanna add a poem to the ring. i need people to know that it’s one ring, and it rules. good start. also it finds other rings, i guess. that’s not very important, but ‘find’ rhymes with ‘bind’ and this ring binds all the rings together, which is super badass. definitely gonna add that in. Also it binds them in darkness because that’s way cooler than light.
Triggering the Rohirrim: A Step-by-Step Guide
- “Horse… master…”