Category: lembas

My friend: hey did you bring some protein bars?

Me: Lembas? I have some here. 

Friend: I don’t think I know that brand, but sure. Can I have one?

Me *handing bar*: Of course. A single bite will sustain you for a who-

Friend: Why is this Larabar wrapped in a leaf?

Middle Earth has cram, a biscuit that is unpleasant to eat, which is based on hardtack, a real life counterpart that Tolkein would have eaten while at war. Middle Earth also has lembas, a delicious elven bread that is based on the fact that the real world sucks and fantasy is way better. 

When Gandalf realizes that they’re up against a Balrog and admits that he’s already weary, why not restore some of his energy with some lembas? Stuff like 20 lembas’s in his mouth and throw him at the Balrog and watch him kick its ass! Why did no one think of this?

Lembas doesn’t have any magic in it, it’s just like, really good baked bread. Like sourdough or something. Have you ever had homemade sourdough, it’s so refreshing. A few bites and you just feel more connected to earth, to nature, to your own self. There’s also probably rosemary in it, that stuff is awesome in bread. Seems like something Galadriel would add. 

Galadriel: I grant you all this lembas. A single bite will fill a man for a day’s journey. 

Pippin: about this lembas – is it more a magic thing, or is there some ingredient in it that’s so filling?

Galadriel: It’s more of a magic thing, i guess. 

Pippin: cool. so can you magic me up some bacon instead? I’ll take magic bacon that keeps me full over some bread, please. 

Merry: me too, thanks. 

Boromir: Did I just hear something about magic bacon?

I know the Hobbits were sort of impressed with lembas, but shouldnt they view it in horror? A food that fills you up and makes you less likely to eat 10 times a day? That’s terrible!

Galadriel: I grant you all this lembas. A small bite will sustain a man for a full day. 

Frodo: Wow, what gives them so much energy?

Galadriel: You know how dwarves are so hardy as a race?

Gimli: Yeah.

Galadriel: We put some dwarf meat in the bread. 

My doctor: I think you need to be eating a diet higher in fat. Science shows that fat keeps you fuller for longer and has a lot of energy, so you don’t need to eat as much.

Me: so, are you saying it’s like lembas, because-

My doctor: if that’s what you need to tell yourself, sure.

Galadriel: I offer you all this lembas. A single bite can sustain a man for a long day’s work. May it serve you well


Galadriel: Also it’s low fat

Me: I’ll take twenty

Why didn’t we get a scene of Aragorn desperately stockpiling lembas before all of the elves left?