Category: hobbits

Owen Barfield: any new ideas for your stories this week, John?

Tolkien: yeah, my characters eat two breakfasts. The second one is called second breakfast. 

C.S. Lewis: what the fuck are you talking about

Host: would anyone like some wine?

Me: I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, but sure, I’ll have a glass. 


Me *banging on table*: look in chapter three of the fellowship, a fox spots the hobbits sleeping outside and comments on it. Then in chapter 11 of the fellowship, when Strider is guiding the hobbits, the text mentions that they see a fox. Obviously we should be interpreting that it’s the same fox, following them because it’s curious about what th

Cats are Hobbits, but for sleep instead of food. They have:

  • 8am – Morning doze
  • 9am – Second slumber
  • 10:15am – Mid-morning snooze
  • 12:00pm – Noontime nap
  • 3:00pm – Siesta
  • 5:00pm – Afternoon rest
  • 5:30pm – Twilight shuteye
  • 8pm – Evening sleep

If Golf was invented during the Battle of Greenfield, what other sports were invented during battle in Middle Earth? 

Another day of me standing in front of the annual Tolkien Society Conference entrence holding a sign reading “man + dwarf = hobbit.” None of the scholars will make eye contact with me but I know I’m right.

Baby: *crying*

Me: Hungry again? Looks like someone wants second dinner!

Wife: for the last time he’s not a hobbit. 

Within Middle Earth, Hobbits were respected and appreciated after the fall of Sauron. But in other countries who only heard secondhand news of what happened? A previously unknown race of creatures essentially assassinated the most powerful force around? They were feared.

Aragorn: We seek two of our friends whom the orcs had taken. They would appear small to you, like children. 

Eomer: We counted all of the dead, and there were no children among them.

Gimli: They weren’t children, they were halflings!

Eomer: Halflings! Those were just a legend to us! They’re real?

Aragorn: Yes, they are. 

Eomer: According to the old stories I’d heard about Halflings, they were hunted by the men of Rohan. I’d heard that they were delicious to eat. Is that true?


Aragorn: ………… I haven’t been able to find out yet…

I’m amazed that Tolkien, who had a near addiction to making up new words, would be willing to settle on the phrase “second breakfast” without calling it something else.

Hobbits: after his adventure, Bilbo was changed! He became…the Mad Baggins!

Bilbo: *writes poetry and tells stories*

Hobbits: he’s mad, we tell you! Crazy!