Category: gollum

Regular

Gandalf tells Frodo, “The Ring has awoken. It’s heard its master’s call,” which implies that the ring was asleep while Gollum had it, which I assume was the ring going into a coma to avoid hearing Gollum talking about fish or whatever. 

Regular

Lord of the Rings Saturday morning kids cartoon aesthetic: Gollum has a girlfriend who looks just like him but with long blonde hair. Her name is Trixy or something. She appears randomly in a few unconnected episodes. 

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Gollum, who murdered his best friend for something he’d just found: I cannot BELIEVE that this Baggins just STOLE from me! I hate him forever now! You can’t just STEAL someone’s things that you find on the floor. I am absolutely incensed right now! Thief! Thief! 

Regular

Jeweler: okay so I have your engagement ring ready, but you said you had something in mind for the box?

Me. Yeah. I need you to make something that fits with the line, “A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.”

Jeweler: a box without a hinge or a lid? what kind of box is that? i have no idea what that means.

Me: figure it out. that’s what im paying you for!

Regular

Wait if I’m addicted to Lord of the Rings, does that mean the character I most identify with is Gollum?

Regular

Me: So the Fellowship of the Ring originally set out from Rivendell…

My lit professor: yes

Me: But then Frodo and Sam split off into a duo-ship, and then they get Gollum so it becomes a trio-ship? And Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli are also a trio-ship? Is that correct?

My lit professor: not even a little.

Regular

Gollum: Alive without breath, As cold as death; Never thirsty, ever drinking, All in mail never clinking.

Bilbo: oh finally, an easy one! An alcoholic knight sitting at a table in a cold room, drinking even though he wishes he was sober. I’ve been telling that one for years!

Regular

Gollum: What has roots as nobody sees, Is taller than trees, Up, up it goes, And yet never grows?

Bilbo: uuuuhhh…what is…my dick? Nah just kidding, it’s probably a mountain or something. 

Regular

It’s 2019 and I’m constantly avoiding carbs and I love sushi so maybe I relate more to Sméagol than Sam Gamgee? Is that possible?

Regular

Sméagol is incredibly skinny because he’s basically fading from existence because of his time with the ring. Tolkien needed to make him like that, because if he’d had more muscle mass, he would have had a big and super toned ass from all that squatting and walking. That would have really distracted from his character being pitiable, because