Aragorn: We seek two of our friends whom the orcs had taken. They would appear small to you, like children.
Eomer: We counted all of the dead, and there were no children among them.
Gimli: They weren’t children, they were halflings!
Eomer: Halflings! Those were just a legend to us! They’re real?
Aragorn: Yes, they are.
Eomer: According to the old stories I’d heard about Halflings, they were hunted by the men of Rohan. I’d heard that they were delicious to eat. Is that true?
Aragorn: ………… I haven’t been able to find out yet…
Saruman: Moria… You fear to go into those mines. The dwarves delved too greedily and too deep.
Gimli: Wait, what do you mean too deep? We’re miners! We didn’t know there was a limit. Why is it too deep? Did the Balrog call dibs on that depth? We didn’t know there was a Balrog, why is it our fault that we awoke something evil that we didn’t know about? Talk about blaming the victim here.
Elrond: based on my understanding of the One Ring, we want a ringbearer who won’t be tempted to use the ring or powerful enough to do anything if they succumbed to it.
Gandalf: so…like…a baby?
Elrond: exactly what I was thinking. But a baby will turn invisible if it puts the ring on, and no one would be able to find an invisible baby!
Gimli: not if it was a dwarven baby! it wouldn’t turn invisible.
Elrond: perfect! we need a dwarven baby to be our ringbearer.
Gimli: The hardest part of the quest? Aye, that was seeing the true beauty of the Lady Galadriel. As I said back then, I would have never come, had I known the danger of light and joy.
Frodo: The hardest part for me was probably being stabbed and poisoned by Shelob, or maybe by the Witch King. Or having my finger bitten off after I succumbed to the ring. It’s hard to pick.
Galadriel: I grant you all this lembas. A small bite will sustain a man for a full day.
Frodo: Wow, what gives them so much energy?
Galadriel: You know how dwarves are so hardy as a race?
Galadriel: We put some dwarf meat in the bread.
Boromir: and if we fail, what then? What happens when Sauron takes back what’s his?
Gandalf: um, I head back to Valinor and leave you guys to deal with this?
Legolas: Same. Gimli can join, too.
My bio professor: I was looking over your exam. For the building blocks of DNA, you wrote “Aragorn, Theoden, Cirdan, and Gimli.”
Me: yeah I was being humorous, you know? The letters are the same, and –
My bio professor: I think you need to see the school psychologist, okay?