Category: gandalf

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Gandalf: I’ve located the One Ring. We should marshal the forced of elves, men, and dwarves into an army to attach Mordor and destroy the ring and Sauron once and for all. 

Elrond: An alliance of elves, men, and dwarves? In this economy? We can afford to pay like, 9 people to do this. 

Gandalf: Okay, I have another idea then. 

Magic and Music are related in Middle Earth

The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf stood in the middle of the span, leaning on the staff in his left hand. Suddenly he took out a banjo from behind his robes and began to strum it menacingly. The Balrog halted. “You cannot pass,” Gandalf began to sing.

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Gandalf: Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. I know that there’s literally a chapter called “The Breaking of the Fellowship” all the way back in the Fellowship of the Ring, but we’re gonna ignore that for a moment. That was just Boromir dying and everyone splitting up. This is the real breaking of the fellowship. 

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In order to distract Sauron, Gandalf and Aragorn had a bunch of op-eds published in the New Middle Earth Times about how they were gonna kick his ass on the battlefield, and even though Sauron said he never read that newspaper it was obvious that he did, and all of this helped Frodo sneak undetected into Mordor. 

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Saruman is a tragic figure because he just wanted to look fabulous in his shiny multicolored robes and Gandalf somehow convinced all of us that that was wrong. 

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Gandalf using that moth to get the eagle to save him from Orthanc is a reference to when you ask your friend’s mother to call your mother to pick your up from a sleepover. 

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Family: when are you finishing your PhD?

Me: it took Gandalf 17 years to research a single thing for Frodo. how about we all keep that in mind, okay?

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I respect Bilbo because if it had been me, I would 100% have killed Gollum. I’m invisible with a sword, and he’s super creepy with giant eyes that see in the dark? I still don’t feel safe! I am absolutely slicing that dude into sashimi. “Gollum had not actually threatened to kill him, or tried yet,” c’mon man, you know he wanted to, it would basically be self-defense. Which brings me to my other point, I think I would also invisibly kill Thorin and Gandalf for making me go on this journey in the first place. 

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“Somehow the killing of the giant spider, all alone by himself in the dark without the help of the wizard or the dwarves or of anyone else, made a great difference to Mr. Baggins.”

I get it Bilbo, I remember living alone and killing a spider in my kitchen at 1am. It made me a stronger person too. 

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Funny Moments From The Lord of the Rings

One of the funniest moments I remember from the book is when the Fellowship is attempting to cross the mountain pass of Caradhras. All of a sudden, the travellers find their path blocked by a heap of snow. Then Legolas picks a very bad moment to be a smartass by suggesting that Gandalf should go in front of them and melt a path in the snow. The wizard, of course, is not amused and replies in his snarkiest, most sarcastic tone:

“If Elves could fly over mountains, they might fetch the Sun to save us”

What are some of your funniest moments from The Lord of the Rings? Tell me in the comments. 😂