Category: gandalf


Elves: Hey Sauron is getting pretty strong. Can we get some help over here?

Valar: We’re sending some wizards. 

Elves: Okay cool. How many?

Valar: Uh…five. 

Elves: Are they particularly powerful?

Valar: No. We’re starting them out on low power. We’ll increase it if we have to. 


Elves: Really learning from the 1st age, aren’t you. 


Pippin: I didn’t think it would end this way.

Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take.

Pippin: Thank you, that’s beautiful. 

Gandalf: *taking out dagger* Some sooner than others…

The Council of Elrond

Frodo: I will take the ring. 

Elrond: What does everything here think? Should Frodo be the ringbearer?

Gandalf: You know how the whole world is a song?

Elrond: Yeah

Gandalf: Halfling rhymes with ring. 

Elrond: Well that’s good enough for me. Frodo, you’re the ringbearer.


The Valar gave Elrond and Gandalf a ton of gold to gather a Fellowship and pay them to deal with the ring. They got a few expensive adventurers, but by drafting 4 young Hobbits they were able to save a significant amount, keeping it for themselves. In fact, none of the Hobbits even mention being paid. It’s why Bilbo wasn’t allowed to be the one to take the ring – he would have made sure he got some treasure for it. This conspiracy is plain as day to anyone who has read the books. 


Gandalf: I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.

Saruman: Can I still come to the Council’s holiday party?

Gandalf: Only if you bring those cookies that you made last year. 


Lord of the Rings is considered High Fantasy and not regular fantasy because when the Balrog’s whip grabs Gandalf and drags him down he doesn’t shout “fuck.”


In light of all the people insisting that Gandalf couldn’t be an alien, I just want to point out the last 3 letters of his name – ALF – stand for Alien Life Form. Tolkien couldn’t have been clearer about this. I don’t know what “GAND” stands for but I’m currently reading the History of Middle Earth series so I’m sure I’ll figure it out. 


Frodo: I thought you were going to, like, escort me to Rivendell.

Gandalf: Hey sorry about that. Aragorn helped though right? Plus, you know what they say, a wizard is never late nor ea-

Frodo: A wraith stabbed me. I almost died. 


Gandalf: I’m gonna break your staff.

Saruman: so?

Gandalf: *breaks staff*

Saruman: I’m still an angelic being. Why did that matter?

Gandalf: it was very dramatic. In this world that makes it powerful magic. I just beat you.

Saruman: ah fuck.


Gandalf returning to valinor

Balrog spirit, waiting on the beach: Ay bruh I’ve been waiting for you, we gotta talk about that fight that was crazy!

Gandalf: Bro I was just doing what I had to do. No hard feeling.

Balrog: all good, all good, you were insane, I loved every minute of it.

Frodo: what’s going on right now?

Elrond: don’t worry about it