*Many years later*
Frodo: Why did I have to take the ring to the lava of Mordor? Why wouldn’t any other lava work?
Elrond: oh, it would have.
Frodo: what? Then why didn’t we do that?
Elrond: it was ironic that the ring was destroyed where it was made, so close to Sauron. I couldn’t pass up on that kind of drama.
If Bilbo feels like he is butter scraped over too much bread, how much bread does Frodo feel like he is butter that has been scraped over, by the end of the Return of the King? What about Gollum? What about the Witch King?
Please answer below, writing your answer in the form of slices of bread.
Galadriel: And what gift would suit you, master dwarf?
Gimli: if it’s not too much, I ask the lady for a single strand of hair.
Galadriel: I shall grant you 3 hairs, master dwarf.
Sam: Hey, can iIexchange this box of dirt for some hair, too?
Merry and Pippin: Us too! We’d love a few strands, if you please.
Aragorn: I’ll take 4.
Legolas: I already have a bow, so can I have trade the one you gave me for 6 strands?
Frodo: I’m the ringbearer so I think I deserve at least 10 hairs.
Frodo: Hey Faramir, I know you said you don’t like war and only want to defend Minas Tirith, but why do you like the city?
Faramir: I just fucking love white marble so damn much.
Guildor: Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will –
Frodo: yeah I read the Silmarillion, I’m not going to any elves for advice, don’t worry.
Gandalf: I told you to keep the ring secret and safe. Is it?
Frodo: Of course. I put it in a box in my kitchen labeled “oatmeal-raisin cookies with extra-raisins.” No one would ever look in there.
Gandalf: Such a good idea, I’m very proud of you.
Hi everyone, welcome to my Ted Talk. Okay so picture this – Sam and Frodo are traveling across Mordor, and what do they find? That’s right, the hatchery where Sauron is breeding the Fell Beasts for the Nazgul to fly on. So they break in, Sam kills all of the orc guards and breeders, and they find a baby Fell Beast that’s still not evil – maybe you can see in its weird lizard eye that it’s still innocent or something. So they break its chains and fly it to Sammath Naur and Frodo drops the ring in the lava, and then they fly away from Mordor and keep the pet beast and raise it in the Shire. Anyways that’s my idea for improving the Return of the King, I still have about an hour left scheduled for my talk so I’ll be taking question now.
Frodo: You and I, Sam, are still stuck in the worst places of the story, and it is all too likely that some will say at this point: ‘Shut the book now, Dad; we don’t want to read any more.’
Sam: No no, Mr. Frodo. The worst part of the story is in the the Two Towers, where we’re walking around the Emyn Muil before we meet Gollum. It’s so boring, barely anything happens and it goes on forever.