Bilbo: *taking off One Ring in the Elven Kings hall* Hi everyone, I’m sorry to startle all of you but I have to speak up. I’ve been burgling this place for a few weeks now, and this is honestly the 20th party I’ve seen. You people are out of control. Shouldn’t you be doing something about the spiders or the evil forest out there? It’s a mess. I just thought someone needed to say something about this.
The Valar gave Elrond and Gandalf a ton of gold to gather a Fellowship and pay them to deal with the ring. They got a few expensive adventurers, but by drafting 4 young Hobbits they were able to save a significant amount, keeping it for themselves. In fact, none of the Hobbits even mention being paid. It’s why Bilbo wasn’t allowed to be the one to take the ring – he would have made sure he got some treasure for it. This conspiracy is plain as day to anyone who has read the books.
Bilbo *writing down his adventures*: And then we saw the elf king…ugh what was his name? Thrindle? Thrundool? That doesnt sound right…I’ll just write Elf King. It’ll be fine.
It’s a dangerous business going out your front door. It’s also dangerous not to even have a door at all, because people can sneak into your house and destroy your ancient rings of power.
Me: I feel I need a holiday, a very long holiday, as I have told you before. Probably a permanent holiday: I don’t expect I shall return. In fact, I don’t mean to, and I have made all arrangements.
My wife: You’re in your late twenties, and you have a job. What are you talking about? Did you quit your job?
Me: I want to see mountain again.
Bilbo: The Road goes ever on and on
Frodo: *in Mordor* oh my god this road is going on forever