My bio professor: I was looking over your exam. For the building blocks of DNA, you wrote “Aragorn, Theoden, Cirdan, and Gimli.”
Me: yeah I was being humorous, you know? The letters are the same, and –
My bio professor: I think you need to see the school psychologist, okay?
my wife: hey can you do me a favor?
me: yes…but first, you must guess…what’s in my pocket?
my wife: chapstick, your phone, and your keys. Also maybe a copy of the One Ring just to mess with me.
me: *sigh* this game is less fun when you’re married.
My wife: hey, I can’t fall asleep. Can you do the thing again?
Me: yeah sure. where did I leave off last night? oh right, so my theory is that the One Ring gives you an asymptotic relationship with death, where you are constantly approaching but can never reach-
My wife: *snore*
Me reading LotR for the first time at age 12: Saruman also has people call him Sharkey. Is he part shark? Like he has a fin or something that Tolkien isn’t mentioning? Weird, but there’s magic in this book so it works I guess.
My history professor: so what do you think was the most important battle of WWI?
Me: The Battle of the Somme
Professor: interesting, why?
Me: that was the one that inspired Tolkien to create the Dead Marshes, and they’re just so cool with all the floating bod-
Professor: does anyone else have an answer? Please?
In a thrift store
Me: hey I found a copy of the Two Towers.
My wife: you have so many copies of those books
My wife: actually wait, you literally have that copy already. I just don’t think you need another one
Me: *hiding receipt behind my back* um…
Me: “Memory is not what the heart desires. That is only a mirror.”
Police officer: I’m going to ask you one more time, where were you on the night of the 12th?
My dad: when I turned on your faucet I noticed it makes a ton of noise as the water come out.
Me: yeah I think there’s some air in the pipes.
My dad: you want me to try and fix that? It’s pretty loud and screechy
Me: nope. I’m fine with it as it is.
My Dad: what? Why?
Me: it sounds like a nazgul.
My dad: *sigh*
Apparently if you keep going to nature parks, jumping in a river, and claiming you found a magic gold ring they’ll eventually stop letting you in.
Someone: mentions something random, like coffee
me, internally: is coffee in the Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit? Is there a reference I can make here, or a fact I can say? Do Hobbits drink coffee? I bet they do, but where is it talked about? I wish this person would stop talking so I can think.