Me: I feel I need a holiday, a very long holiday, as I have told you before. Probably a permanent holiday: I don’t expect I shall return. In fact, I don’t mean to, and I have made all arrangements.
My wife: You’re in your late twenties, and you have a job. What are you talking about? Did you quit your job?
Me: I want to see mountain again.
Girlfriend: What are you not going to say to my dad when he opens the door?
Me: The thing that Frodo said.
*Dad opens door*
Me: A star shines on the hour of our meeting!
My mom: I thought you liked the mashed potatoes with lots of chunks! Since when did you like them smooth?
Me: And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.
My wife: why do you always take us to the mall that’s farther away? We have one so much closer.
Me: the street that the entrence is on has a sign that says “East Mall Ent” and I like that it says ent on it.
My wife: haha. What’s the real answer?
My wife: oh my god you’re not joking
Just finished reading the Lord of the Rings to my kid. At no point did they say “I want to hear more about Sam, dad. Why didn’t they put in more of his talk, dad?” Not sure at what point I failed as a parent, or what to do now.
“The sun rose. The hobbits rose rather later”
You guys can have your elves, and men, and heroes, and wizards. I’ve found my people.
Me: What’s the difference between Hurin carrying the Nauglamir and a football team that has made 3 attempts to score a touchdown from 10 yards away?
My dad: I don’t know, what?
Me: One is for Thingol, and the other is fourth and goal.
My dad: Did you make me read the Silmarillion just to tell me that joke?
Apparently a full-sized, whetstone-sharpened exact replica of Narsil with leather-grip handle is not “appropriate for use as a letter opener” so my boss said I can’t take it in to the office anymore.
I really want a poster with a background of the Misty Mountains or Rivendell, but instead of text about wandering or being lost, I want my actual favorite Tolkien quote, “Also eagles aren’t forks.” It’s both true and beautiful.
My bio professor: I was looking over your exam. For the building blocks of DNA, you wrote “Aragorn, Theoden, Cirdan, and Gimli.”
Me: yeah I was being humorous, you know? The letters are the same, and –
My bio professor: I think you need to see the school psychologist, okay?