Author: The Earthbound Clouds

Regular

The rings of power were called that because Sauron had the most JD Power awards for dependability, trust, and influence over the weak

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I like to imagine that Gaffer Gamgee eventually bragged about Sam’s accomplishments the way my grandparents talk about mine: without any real understanding of what actually happened, but still with pride and love. 

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To be honest, I’m not surprised that the Hobbit keeps all of the names simple. If I were handwriting a book with a quill, I’d rather write Lake Town than Esgaroth. Less chance of a typo, which means redoing the whole page. I didn’t see any Hobbit white-out on Bilbo’s desk. And no way am I writing Thranduil. Just say Elf King. 

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Elrond: I have removed the tip of the blade from your shoulder and healed the wound, Master Frodo

Frodo: That’s awesome. How did you do it?

Elrond: That’s the job of a Healer

Frodo: So did you clean the area? Sanitize it? Stitch me up?

Elrond: Look, I prayed for Varda to heal you, and she did it. Okay? You’re healed, it doesn’t matter how it happened.

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It’s a dangerous business going out your front door. It’s also dangerous not to even have a door at all, because people can sneak into your house and destroy your ancient rings of power. 

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I know the Hobbits were sort of impressed with lembas, but shouldnt they view it in horror? A food that fills you up and makes you less likely to eat 10 times a day? That’s terrible!

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Boromir: I know the Hobbit aesthetic is to go barefoot. But aren’t we worried about Frodo walking into a volcano?

Frodo: Hobbit soles are naturally thicker! We never use shoes!

Boromir: anyone can walk barefoot around the Shire! It’s just grass and flat dirt roads. You need to climb a mountain that’s filled with lava! Why doesn’t anyone understand?

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Gandalf: Sauron will never suspect that we want to destroy the ring.

*elsewhere*

Sauron: if someone uses the ring, they become like me. They get my power. I’m awesome. I’m the best. Anyone would want that. Of course someone is gonna use it to challenge me. Everyone wants to be Sauron.

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Bilbo: I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread.

Gandalf: well you don’t look thin. Boom, roasted.

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Theoden: Gandalf, you’ve brought me hope and cheer again.

Gandalf: I am glad to hear that, my good king.

Theoden: I finally feel like I have the strength to do what I want now.

Gandalf: And what is that.

Theoden: Die in battle