Author: The Earthbound Clouds

Reading about Shagrat and Gorbag

Me: looks like…friendship…is back on the menu, boys. 

Regular

After the fall of Sauron, all of the other big malevolent creatures in Middle Earth – Shelob, the Watcher in the Water, any Balrogs – met in Mordor to have a giant battle to establish a new evil ruler. 

Regular

Although we only see Gandalf die and return once, he actually died seven times throughout the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. He was constantly shuffling back and forth between Valinor and Middle Earth. When he disappeared in the Hobbit briefly before the encounter with the trolls? Died. When he went off to get help for the battle of Helms Deep? Died. 

Regular

Frodo: The ring is mine!

Sam: You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy Sauron, not join him!

Bilbo’s parents watching from heaven

Belladonna: I’m so proud to see him going off on an adventure! There really is some Took in him after all.

Bungo: He forgot his pocket handkerchief! Who forgets their pocket handkerchief?

Regular

It was left out of Frodo’s manuscript, but when Elrond told Boromir that no one in the council should wield the One Ring, Boromir called them all a bunch of beta cucks who were afraid to step up and be real men. This led to a heated exchange in which Elrond claimed that elves were the real alphas and the entire race of men were betas. 

Regular

Gandalf halted before a tall door of polished metal. ‘See, Master
Pippin, there is no time to instruct you now in the history of Gondor. Do as I bid! It is scarcely wise when bringing the news
of the death of his heir to a mighty lord to speak over much of the
coming of one who will, if he comes, claim the kingship. Is that
enough?’

“Don’t worry about it,” replied Pippin. “I’m great at meeting people. I’ll give him the ol’ razzle dazzle.” He entered the Great Hall. 

“What?” said Gandalf. 

Regular

Bilbo, in the Hobbit: gets captured by goblins in a mountain, has to come up with riddles to save his life in a mountain, has to survive a cunning dragon in a mountain.

Bilbo, in LotR: I want to see mountains again, Gandalf.

Regular

In a great hall with pillars hewn out of the living stone sat the Elvenking on a chair of carven wood. On his head was a crown of berries and red leaves, for the autumn was come again. In the spring he wore a crown of woodland flowers. In his hand he held a carven staff of oak. He wore no other clothes.

On a hike

My friend: hey did you bring some protein bars?

Me: Lembas? I have some here. 

Friend: I don’t think I know that brand, but sure. Can I have one?

Me *handing bar*: Of course. A single bite will sustain you for a who-

Friend: Why is this Larabar wrapped in a leaf?